Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
