and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
