whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
