I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
