Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
