Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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