first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
