im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
