1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
