this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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