My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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