Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
