3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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