i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize