Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
