By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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