Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
