the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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