Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
