her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
