I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
