its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
