What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
