Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
