This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
