you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
