i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
