Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
