So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
