I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
