Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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