Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
