a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
