That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
