we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
