Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
