Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize