I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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