when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
