Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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