Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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