I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my being single is dangerous.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
