Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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