I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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