Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
