Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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