maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
