I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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