Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
