Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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