Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
