she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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