Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
