I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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