umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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