Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
