even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
