oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
