david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Randomize
