Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
