dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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