I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
