Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
