Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
