Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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