Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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