am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize