In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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